Thursday, January 24, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Spoiler Alert: Motherhood is Hard
Every day, I am thankful that I have the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom for Benjamin. While money may be tighter than it would be if I worked, I think the trade-off is completely worth it. My life revolves around this little man, and for now, that is how it should be. While I wouldn't trade staying at home with Ben for anything, there are times that it can be isolating. There have been times that I felt like I didn't have anything interesting to say about any topic other than breastfeeding, pooping, sleep schedules, or developmental milestones when out with someone other than Bizzy. And since the moment Ben was born, I discovered that motherhood is flippin hard, ya'll! That should really be the sub-title to that book What to Expect When You're Expecting.
Every single day, I am faced with decisions about Benji's well-being and safety, and there is always a desperation to make the RIGHT choice and do things PERFECTLY. And as any mother would tell you, that hardly every happens; thus, there is an overwhelming sense of mommy guilt associated with most days. Lying in bed at night, I replay scenarios where I could have NOT dropped the toy train on my darling baby's head (just a totally hypothetical scenario...).
Breastfeeding also brings its own set of issues and struggles along with it.
Recently, I've had some issues with low supply, blocked ducts, and Ben's great nursing strike of 2013. There is nothing that has gotten my blood pressure soaring as quickly as attempting to feed Benjamin in the middle of the night and having nothing coming out. He started screaming and I was panicking and my internal monologue was something like, "I can't feed my baby. I can't feed my baby. IcantfeedmybabyIcantfeedmybabyIamtheworstmotherintheworldahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."
The worst. Then came the week where Ben refused to nurse and I was fairly certain that he would never eat again and again, I felt like the worst mother in the world.
Compounding the problem, I've started trying to pump again so that we can get Benji on a bottle, but the pump has failed to work for me now that I haven't used it in over 6 months, so more stress piles up. Anyway, I was starting to lose it a little bit until I posted something on facebook about my struggles and asked for any advice. I was overwhelmed from the responses from other mommies giving me their advice and telling of their own personal struggles. Even if I am not able to make pumping work for me with any of the advice given, the take-away message was priceless: you are not alone. Motherhood is definitely not for sissies. So I want to thank all my mommy family and friends who came to my rescue and helped me realize that motherhood isn't about perfection. Just having someone say, "Dude, that was hard for me too" quiets that crazy, frantic internal monologue in my head a little.
I also want to give a shout-out to my mom and sister who are the best mothers I have ever known. They continually guide and teach me through their quiet strength and unwavering love.
Every single day, I am faced with decisions about Benji's well-being and safety, and there is always a desperation to make the RIGHT choice and do things PERFECTLY. And as any mother would tell you, that hardly every happens; thus, there is an overwhelming sense of mommy guilt associated with most days. Lying in bed at night, I replay scenarios where I could have NOT dropped the toy train on my darling baby's head (just a totally hypothetical scenario...).
Breastfeeding also brings its own set of issues and struggles along with it.
Recently, I've had some issues with low supply, blocked ducts, and Ben's great nursing strike of 2013. There is nothing that has gotten my blood pressure soaring as quickly as attempting to feed Benjamin in the middle of the night and having nothing coming out. He started screaming and I was panicking and my internal monologue was something like, "I can't feed my baby. I can't feed my baby. IcantfeedmybabyIcantfeedmybabyIamtheworstmotherintheworldahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."
The worst. Then came the week where Ben refused to nurse and I was fairly certain that he would never eat again and again, I felt like the worst mother in the world.
Compounding the problem, I've started trying to pump again so that we can get Benji on a bottle, but the pump has failed to work for me now that I haven't used it in over 6 months, so more stress piles up. Anyway, I was starting to lose it a little bit until I posted something on facebook about my struggles and asked for any advice. I was overwhelmed from the responses from other mommies giving me their advice and telling of their own personal struggles. Even if I am not able to make pumping work for me with any of the advice given, the take-away message was priceless: you are not alone. Motherhood is definitely not for sissies. So I want to thank all my mommy family and friends who came to my rescue and helped me realize that motherhood isn't about perfection. Just having someone say, "Dude, that was hard for me too" quiets that crazy, frantic internal monologue in my head a little.
I also want to give a shout-out to my mom and sister who are the best mothers I have ever known. They continually guide and teach me through their quiet strength and unwavering love.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Put Your Hands Together
It has been a long time since the last blog post, but with the holidays and our increasingly mobile 9 month old, things have been a little hectic. Ben has been changing with leaps and bounds lately. He is crawling, pulling up on anything and everything, throwing balls, and, most recently, clapping!
This past Friday, Ben and I were playing and I was trying to get him to clap and he just sat there staring at me like I was crazy. I guess he needed a little process time because later that evening, Bizzy and I were playing with him and after I leaned over and tickled him, he looked up at us, laughed, and clapped his hands. I think it brought tears to both Bizzy and my eyes. We all sat there clapping for about 20 minutes. Definitely one of my top Benjamin moments so far. Now Benji is clapping a lot and I love it every. single. time.
Here is a video of our little man clapping...
This past Friday, Ben and I were playing and I was trying to get him to clap and he just sat there staring at me like I was crazy. I guess he needed a little process time because later that evening, Bizzy and I were playing with him and after I leaned over and tickled him, he looked up at us, laughed, and clapped his hands. I think it brought tears to both Bizzy and my eyes. We all sat there clapping for about 20 minutes. Definitely one of my top Benjamin moments so far. Now Benji is clapping a lot and I love it every. single. time.
Here is a video of our little man clapping...
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Watch out World--Ben is Mobile
Benji is officially on the move! He has started army crawling, and he is getting pretty darn fast. He is incredibly cute about it, of course, because he crosses his little ankles as he begins pulling himself across the floor. He hasn't quite figured out that it might be easier to actually use his legs to propel himself, but he is getting there. :)
Of course, Bizzy and I want to see him crawl as much as possible, but Ben doesn't do it on command or when you want it most, so we have studied his movements, much like Jane Goodall, and we discovered the things that motivate him to move the most....
They are listed in order of importance to Ben and that importance is directly linked to the speed at which he will crawl towards the object:
1. Redford (hyper-speed army crawl with an unflappable determination)
2. Cellphones (very fast crawling with a fixed plan of attack)
3. Cords of any kind (Unrelenting determination here--just when you think he forgot about them....)
4. Shoes/feet, which he immediately puts in his mouth..gross. ( Slow and steady towards these beacons of obvious chewing potential)
5. Anything that is not a baby toy or you don't want him to have (Meandering crawl which soothes you into the delusion that he is just exploring until BAM- he has Red's chew toy in his mouth.)
6. Sanctioned baby toys (Not so much of a crawl here, but he will propel himself a little bit if the toy is super cool; otherwise, he is going to pretend like he no longer has functioning arms or legs and will scream until you place it in his hands)
I wanted to have a super cool video of Benjamin moving to add here, but it seems that the video camera is crawling kryptonite. As soon as I pull it out, Ben goes dead-weight....maybe one day I will have evidence!
Kidding aside, Ben is learning so quickly and becoming such a little man full of personality. I am so thankful that I am able to stay home with him and that I get the opportunity to watch him grow and turn into the absolute coolest boy EVER. No overstatement here. Just the other day, I was lying on the floor with him as he played with a toy and he ended up flipping it over and making a loud noise on the wood floor. He immediately turned to look at me with big eyes and we both started laughing. It was such a small and seemingly insignificant moment, but I know that I could have missed it. So, a big shout-out of thanks to my hubby who is "bringing home the bacon" for this one-income family. His job allows me to stay home with our baby boy, and it also allows him the flexibility to come home around 3:30 most days. We are very lucky indeed.
Of course, Bizzy and I want to see him crawl as much as possible, but Ben doesn't do it on command or when you want it most, so we have studied his movements, much like Jane Goodall, and we discovered the things that motivate him to move the most....
They are listed in order of importance to Ben and that importance is directly linked to the speed at which he will crawl towards the object:
1. Redford (hyper-speed army crawl with an unflappable determination)
2. Cellphones (very fast crawling with a fixed plan of attack)
3. Cords of any kind (Unrelenting determination here--just when you think he forgot about them....)
4. Shoes/feet, which he immediately puts in his mouth..gross. ( Slow and steady towards these beacons of obvious chewing potential)
5. Anything that is not a baby toy or you don't want him to have (Meandering crawl which soothes you into the delusion that he is just exploring until BAM- he has Red's chew toy in his mouth.)
6. Sanctioned baby toys (Not so much of a crawl here, but he will propel himself a little bit if the toy is super cool; otherwise, he is going to pretend like he no longer has functioning arms or legs and will scream until you place it in his hands)
I wanted to have a super cool video of Benjamin moving to add here, but it seems that the video camera is crawling kryptonite. As soon as I pull it out, Ben goes dead-weight....maybe one day I will have evidence!
Kidding aside, Ben is learning so quickly and becoming such a little man full of personality. I am so thankful that I am able to stay home with him and that I get the opportunity to watch him grow and turn into the absolute coolest boy EVER. No overstatement here. Just the other day, I was lying on the floor with him as he played with a toy and he ended up flipping it over and making a loud noise on the wood floor. He immediately turned to look at me with big eyes and we both started laughing. It was such a small and seemingly insignificant moment, but I know that I could have missed it. So, a big shout-out of thanks to my hubby who is "bringing home the bacon" for this one-income family. His job allows me to stay home with our baby boy, and it also allows him the flexibility to come home around 3:30 most days. We are very lucky indeed.
Here is a photo montage of Red trying to escape Ben's laser-like tracking skills:
Friday, November 2, 2012
Happy Halloween!
Boo, ya'll! We had a very low-key Halloween this year since Benjamin is technically a little young to enjoy trick or treating, and our neighborhood didn't start until 6:00 which is Benjj's bedtime....so Bizzy and I had no good excuse to collect candy with our 7 month old. We were forced to eat the candy out of our own bowl that was supposed to go to the kiddies in the neighborhood. The sacrifices we have to make for our children :) We did get to go "trunk or treating" last week while we were in Durham, but I am going to devote a blog to that trip separately...coming soon.
I did dress Ben up in his skeleton outfit during the day Wednesday, and we took a trip to Target so that everyone could enjoy seeing the cuteness. I didn't want to deprive the world. He was the cutest little skeleton EVER. He did go on a quick hike around the neighborhood with his daddy right before bedtime.
After we put our scary skeleton to bed, Bizzy and I had dinner outside in front of the house to await the trick or treaters. With baby monitor in tow, we handed out candy in between bouts of searching for the elusive twix bars hidden in our bowl of candy. We just couldn't seem to give any of those away to the kiddos...they kept disappearing. All in all, this was a fabulous Halloween, and I can't wait until Benji can toddle around the neighborhood next year.
I did dress Ben up in his skeleton outfit during the day Wednesday, and we took a trip to Target so that everyone could enjoy seeing the cuteness. I didn't want to deprive the world. He was the cutest little skeleton EVER. He did go on a quick hike around the neighborhood with his daddy right before bedtime.
After we put our scary skeleton to bed, Bizzy and I had dinner outside in front of the house to await the trick or treaters. With baby monitor in tow, we handed out candy in between bouts of searching for the elusive twix bars hidden in our bowl of candy. We just couldn't seem to give any of those away to the kiddos...they kept disappearing. All in all, this was a fabulous Halloween, and I can't wait until Benji can toddle around the neighborhood next year.
Some pics of our super scary Halloween baby :)
Headline: "Baby Skeleton Eats Polar Bear"
My handsome fellas
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Learning to Eat
Benji has officially started eating solids and it has been both exciting and slightly heart-breaking at the same time. On one hand, I am thrilled that he is ready to enter the world of "big boy" foods and he seems to be quite the natural little eater....go figure, right? On the other hand, my baby boy is growing up so quickly and it is a little sad to see that happen so fast.
Our pediatrician told us we could start feeding him solids at 4 months, but that was just too young in my opinion. He wasn't really exhibiting the signs of wanting to eat food, and at four months old, we were only finally getting his digestive system in a regular and normal routine. So Bizzy and I waited until Benji got his 6 month shots and checkup to attempt feeding him. I have been breast-feeding him exclusively since he was born, so I was really terrified that once he tasted solids, he wouldn't want breast-milk anymore. But once he tried peas, that fear was alleviated. He was really excited to get the spoon in his mouth, but once the peas hit his tongue, he grimaced and expelled it quickly.
Ben's first attempt at eating wasn't an overwhelming success but as we continued on with other foods, he has become more and more of a natural eater. Oatmeal made with breast-milk is his favorite thing so far. He will scream when I finish his little bowl until I make some more for him. We have tried carrots and he tolerated them, but they have given him some very interesting/horrifying poops, so we might be taking it easy with the carrots from now on. I think the next thing on the menu is squash. We want Benjamin to eat his vegetables so we are holding off on fruits for the time being because if he is anything like his momma, he is going to have a massive sweet tooth and vegetables will no longer seem appetizing.
Our pediatrician told us we could start feeding him solids at 4 months, but that was just too young in my opinion. He wasn't really exhibiting the signs of wanting to eat food, and at four months old, we were only finally getting his digestive system in a regular and normal routine. So Bizzy and I waited until Benji got his 6 month shots and checkup to attempt feeding him. I have been breast-feeding him exclusively since he was born, so I was really terrified that once he tasted solids, he wouldn't want breast-milk anymore. But once he tried peas, that fear was alleviated. He was really excited to get the spoon in his mouth, but once the peas hit his tongue, he grimaced and expelled it quickly.
Getting ready for his first meal
The first bite...
Bit of a messy eater
"What is in my mouth?!? Get it out!"
Ben's first attempt at eating wasn't an overwhelming success but as we continued on with other foods, he has become more and more of a natural eater. Oatmeal made with breast-milk is his favorite thing so far. He will scream when I finish his little bowl until I make some more for him. We have tried carrots and he tolerated them, but they have given him some very interesting/horrifying poops, so we might be taking it easy with the carrots from now on. I think the next thing on the menu is squash. We want Benjamin to eat his vegetables so we are holding off on fruits for the time being because if he is anything like his momma, he is going to have a massive sweet tooth and vegetables will no longer seem appetizing.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Benjamin Gregory Joins the World
I wanted to write down my memories of the day Benjamin was born because I tend to forget things quickly and this day is one of the most special to me. I want to remember every single moment....
On March 30th, Bizzy and I woke up and went about our morning as usual. Bizzy went to work because there had been no sign that Ben would make his arrival any time soon. I decided that I wanted to get out of the house for a while that day, and. since school was officially out for Spring Break, my friend, Zidow, and I made plans to meet for lunch before she left to drive home to Florida. I took a shower (thank goodness) and began getting myself "beautiful" for the day. I bent over in the bathroom to pick up something and felt a small gush of water. I didn't think too much about it at first because in the movies when a woman's water breaks, there is a torrential flood, so I decided that I must have inadvertently peed myself, which at 39 weeks and 5 days wasn't THAT embarrassing. I also really wanted to go out to lunch with Zidow, so I decided to continue getting ready.
So, I was finishing up my routine for the morning when there was a more significant rush of water,and it was at this point that I started to think "ok, this actually might be happening today." Before I called Bizzy and prematurely gave him a heart attack, I called my doctor's office and asked them their opinion, which was "C'mon in and we will check you." I decided now was the time to call the father of this potentially on-the-way baby, and I was fully prepared to tell him to stay at work and I would just drive on in to the doctor's office and let him know from there, but as I was telling him this, an even greater flood occurred and I could no longer pretend that I was just continually peeing myself but my water was officially breaking. As Bizzy left work to come get me, I paced around the house. I had my "go" bag packed since 35 weeks along so I was ready with my things, but I just felt like there should be something for me to do before I brought a child into our home. I did think that it was lucky that I had just cleaned the shower heads in our bathrooms the day before because a clean shower head is important for a newborn. My mom told me that I should probably eat something because they wouldn't allow me to eat anything once I got to the hospital and it could be a long time. So, my big meal was a pack of crackers...in hindsight, I should have had a sandwich or something more meal-worthy because those crackers were the last thing I ate until 2 the next morning. (What was the first thing I ate after birthing a beautiful baby boy, you ask?! McDonald's french fries and a milkshake...mama needed a treat. :)
When Bizzy got home, I knew that he had probably broken about 200 traffic laws getting there, but he was calm and in control as he carried our things to the car. When I think back to that day, I always think about Bizzy as my rock. He never faltered or freaked out, which made things so much easier for me. I remember the drive to the hospital and thinking that the next time I would be in that car, I would have our baby boy with me and life would be totally different. I was right but I had no idea HOW much things would change.
When we got to the hospital, it was slammed with pregnant women in the waiting room. So, we took a seat and waited for a room to open up. At this point, Bizzy did get slightly frazzled, thinking we might be sitting there when Benjamin decided to make his appearance. Little did we know that Ben was going to take his time coming into the world. It was about 11:00 in the afternoon when we got back to our room. I was having slight contractions at that point but nothing serious. So I got dressed in the beautiful and flattering hospital gown and the nurse set me up with a belly monitor. My parents showed up, and we laughed and took some photos. I was still thinking, "I think I can do this. I don't need an epidural." I began having contractions that were quite uncomfortable but they were far enough apart and short enough that I was handling things well. Before the midwife would do anything, they had to make sure that my water had actually broken...I guess they kind of assumed I peed myself as well. So we waited for the test results....
And I didn't know what the nurse was talking about when she said, "Oh you aren't really in labor yet..."
Thankful for my parents being there to keep me calm and distracted...even though I yelled at dad at one point :)
On March 30th, Bizzy and I woke up and went about our morning as usual. Bizzy went to work because there had been no sign that Ben would make his arrival any time soon. I decided that I wanted to get out of the house for a while that day, and. since school was officially out for Spring Break, my friend, Zidow, and I made plans to meet for lunch before she left to drive home to Florida. I took a shower (thank goodness) and began getting myself "beautiful" for the day. I bent over in the bathroom to pick up something and felt a small gush of water. I didn't think too much about it at first because in the movies when a woman's water breaks, there is a torrential flood, so I decided that I must have inadvertently peed myself, which at 39 weeks and 5 days wasn't THAT embarrassing. I also really wanted to go out to lunch with Zidow, so I decided to continue getting ready.
So, I was finishing up my routine for the morning when there was a more significant rush of water,and it was at this point that I started to think "ok, this actually might be happening today." Before I called Bizzy and prematurely gave him a heart attack, I called my doctor's office and asked them their opinion, which was "C'mon in and we will check you." I decided now was the time to call the father of this potentially on-the-way baby, and I was fully prepared to tell him to stay at work and I would just drive on in to the doctor's office and let him know from there, but as I was telling him this, an even greater flood occurred and I could no longer pretend that I was just continually peeing myself but my water was officially breaking. As Bizzy left work to come get me, I paced around the house. I had my "go" bag packed since 35 weeks along so I was ready with my things, but I just felt like there should be something for me to do before I brought a child into our home. I did think that it was lucky that I had just cleaned the shower heads in our bathrooms the day before because a clean shower head is important for a newborn. My mom told me that I should probably eat something because they wouldn't allow me to eat anything once I got to the hospital and it could be a long time. So, my big meal was a pack of crackers...in hindsight, I should have had a sandwich or something more meal-worthy because those crackers were the last thing I ate until 2 the next morning. (What was the first thing I ate after birthing a beautiful baby boy, you ask?! McDonald's french fries and a milkshake...mama needed a treat. :)
When Bizzy got home, I knew that he had probably broken about 200 traffic laws getting there, but he was calm and in control as he carried our things to the car. When I think back to that day, I always think about Bizzy as my rock. He never faltered or freaked out, which made things so much easier for me. I remember the drive to the hospital and thinking that the next time I would be in that car, I would have our baby boy with me and life would be totally different. I was right but I had no idea HOW much things would change.
When we got to the hospital, it was slammed with pregnant women in the waiting room. So, we took a seat and waited for a room to open up. At this point, Bizzy did get slightly frazzled, thinking we might be sitting there when Benjamin decided to make his appearance. Little did we know that Ben was going to take his time coming into the world. It was about 11:00 in the afternoon when we got back to our room. I was having slight contractions at that point but nothing serious. So I got dressed in the beautiful and flattering hospital gown and the nurse set me up with a belly monitor. My parents showed up, and we laughed and took some photos. I was still thinking, "I think I can do this. I don't need an epidural." I began having contractions that were quite uncomfortable but they were far enough apart and short enough that I was handling things well. Before the midwife would do anything, they had to make sure that my water had actually broken...I guess they kind of assumed I peed myself as well. So we waited for the test results....
With my handsome hubby and daddy-to-be
When the nurse finally confirmed that my water had broken (or leaked apparently), it became official. We were having a baby that day. As the contractions became more intense, I am thankful that I had my family with me to keep me going. I never actually saw my midwife that much, so we were on our own in the laboring process. Hours later, as I was becoming increasingly less happy, the nurse bopped in with a syringe and said, "Well the midwife doesn't think the contractions are strong enough at this point." The response in my head was, "What the...?" but out loud I acquiesced without any questions.So, she dosed me up with pitocin and left...Again in hindsight, I would have asked more questions and fought a little more against the pitocin if I had known what was coming my way. The one thing I did learn from my stay at the hospital is that I need to work on becoming a better self-advocate. A medical professional CAN be questioned about their motivation and reasoning..they aren't gods.
As the pitocin (Satan's elixir) kicked in, the pain became unbearable. There was hardly any time between contractions so just as I was about to think I couldn't take it anymore, it would stop for 2 seconds and then start again. I'm not sure how long this went on but it felt like hours and we still never saw the midwife. Mom and Bizzy stood on either side of the bed and talked me through each contraction as I clung to the table or sheets writhing with what I can only explain as the worst possible pain I've ever felt. I remember watching those baby birth stories on TLC where women would be screaming in pain and I would look at them disdainfully and think "Gosh, pull it together,woman." And then, I became that woman. I apologize to any women I judged on TLC for acting like labor hurts like freaking hell...because it freaking does.
At about 5 or 6 in the evening, I couldn't take it anymore and I told Bizzy to go find the epidural man. I don't think I've ever seen him move as fast as he did to go hunt someone down. When the nurse came back in, she smiled sweetly and said, "Look at you having contractions...oh boy they look like good ones." I could only glare at her because I didn't trust myself to actually open my mouth and respond. I also now realize why women talk about wanting to kiss the epidural docotr because I probably would have if he would have let me. Being able to rest for the next few hours was a lifesaver. The nurse left me after the epidural with the instructions, "Tell me when you start feeling different...or have any pressure." By about 8:30 or 9 p.m. I started feeling....different. I started getting incredibly uncomfortable even with the epidural, my heart was racing, and I felt intensely hot all of a sudden. We dispatched for the midwife and were told she would be down in a bit. By the time she showed up, I was about to walk out of the bed to go find her myself. When she checked me, she verified that "we" were ready to push.
The whole birthing process at that point on is kind of a blurry, surreal memory for me. I remember everything but almost like it was in one of those slow-motion montage scenes from a movie. I wanted my mom to stay with me because she is a very calming force, and obviously, Bizzy was there with me as well. Little did they know how involved they were actually going to be in helping deliver little Benji. When I pictured the pushing scene in my head, I always imagined Bizzy up by my head saying encouraging words and holding my hand while my mom stood on the other side smiling down. There was always some kind of curtain or sheet blocking any of the ...more dramatics things happening below. Well, reality shattered that illusion when the midwife turns to Bizzy and my mom and said, "Grab a leg and pull it up to her chin." Welp, if we weren't a close-knit family before, we definitely are now.
Feel free to stop reading here if you don't want to hear about birthing realities.....
As I was pushing, I started to feel nauseous so we stopped and I had to throw up a few times...by the way, I don't want apple juice EVER again. After I got sick, I was prepared to start pushing again, but my midwife, who is a bit of an odd cookie, says, "Well she needs to brush her teeth now." I mean...I am birthing a human being so I was pretty ok with the idea of moving on without taking a moment for some personal hygiene, but she insisted. Bizzy was sent to grab his toothbrush (mine was still in the car) and the midwife called the nurse over the intercom to bring some toothpaste. The whole time I am laying there thinking...is this really happening right now?! Yes, yes it was. So I brushed my teeth minutes before my son was born. I guess it is good that I greeted him with minty fresh breath...much like the freshly cleaned shower heads at home. These things are important.
At 9:41 p.m., Benjamin Gregory was born, and it was the moment that has changed Bizzy and my life forever in such an amazing way. As soon as Ben was placed on my chest, I knew I couldn't love anyone more. He was perfect. You hear people talk about the birth of their children as life-changing, but I guess you don't really understand it until it happens to you. I would have done anything for him from the first time I held him. His little cry made my heart feel like it grew bigger in my chest and I could not stop staring into his beautiful eyes. When I held him, it felt like something had been missing before and now it was back where it was supposed to be.
Childbirth is the most painful thing I've ever gone through, but with such an incredible reward, I can see why you would do it again and again. Welcome to the world Benjamin. You are so loved.
Feel free to stop reading here if you don't want to hear about birthing realities.....
As I was pushing, I started to feel nauseous so we stopped and I had to throw up a few times...by the way, I don't want apple juice EVER again. After I got sick, I was prepared to start pushing again, but my midwife, who is a bit of an odd cookie, says, "Well she needs to brush her teeth now." I mean...I am birthing a human being so I was pretty ok with the idea of moving on without taking a moment for some personal hygiene, but she insisted. Bizzy was sent to grab his toothbrush (mine was still in the car) and the midwife called the nurse over the intercom to bring some toothpaste. The whole time I am laying there thinking...is this really happening right now?! Yes, yes it was. So I brushed my teeth minutes before my son was born. I guess it is good that I greeted him with minty fresh breath...much like the freshly cleaned shower heads at home. These things are important.
At 9:41 p.m., Benjamin Gregory was born, and it was the moment that has changed Bizzy and my life forever in such an amazing way. As soon as Ben was placed on my chest, I knew I couldn't love anyone more. He was perfect. You hear people talk about the birth of their children as life-changing, but I guess you don't really understand it until it happens to you. I would have done anything for him from the first time I held him. His little cry made my heart feel like it grew bigger in my chest and I could not stop staring into his beautiful eyes. When I held him, it felt like something had been missing before and now it was back where it was supposed to be.
Childbirth is the most painful thing I've ever gone through, but with such an incredible reward, I can see why you would do it again and again. Welcome to the world Benjamin. You are so loved.
A big boy at 8.8 but also really long at 21 inches.
Ben's first bath
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)