I wanted to write down my memories of the day Benjamin was born because I tend to forget things quickly and this day is one of the most special to me. I want to remember every single moment....
On March 30th, Bizzy and I woke up and went about our morning as usual. Bizzy went to work because there had been no sign that Ben would make his arrival any time soon. I decided that I wanted to get out of the house for a while that day, and. since school was officially out for Spring Break, my friend, Zidow, and I made plans to meet for lunch before she left to drive home to Florida. I took a shower (thank goodness) and began getting myself "beautiful" for the day. I bent over in the bathroom to pick up something and felt a small gush of water. I didn't think too much about it at first because in the movies when a woman's water breaks, there is a torrential flood, so I decided that I must have inadvertently peed myself, which at 39 weeks and 5 days wasn't THAT embarrassing. I also really wanted to go out to lunch with Zidow, so I decided to continue getting ready.
So, I was finishing up my routine for the morning when there was a more significant rush of water,and it was at this point that I started to think "ok, this actually might be happening today." Before I called Bizzy and prematurely gave him a heart attack, I called my doctor's office and asked them their opinion, which was "C'mon in and we will check you." I decided now was the time to call the father of this potentially on-the-way baby, and I was fully prepared to tell him to stay at work and I would just drive on in to the doctor's office and let him know from there, but as I was telling him this, an even greater flood occurred and I could no longer pretend that I was just continually peeing myself but my water was officially breaking. As Bizzy left work to come get me, I paced around the house. I had my "go" bag packed since 35 weeks along so I was ready with my things, but I just felt like there should be something for me to do before I brought a child into our home. I did think that it was lucky that I had just cleaned the shower heads in our bathrooms the day before because a clean shower head is important for a newborn. My mom told me that I should probably eat something because they wouldn't allow me to eat anything once I got to the hospital and it could be a long time. So, my big meal was a pack of crackers...in hindsight, I should have had a sandwich or something more meal-worthy because those crackers were the last thing I ate until 2 the next morning. (What was the first thing I ate after birthing a beautiful baby boy, you ask?! McDonald's french fries and a milkshake...mama needed a treat. :)
When Bizzy got home, I knew that he had probably broken about 200 traffic laws getting there, but he was calm and in control as he carried our things to the car. When I think back to that day, I always think about Bizzy as my rock. He never faltered or freaked out, which made things so much easier for me. I remember the drive to the hospital and thinking that the next time I would be in that car, I would have our baby boy with me and life would be totally different. I was right but I had no idea HOW much things would change.
When we got to the hospital, it was slammed with pregnant women in the waiting room. So, we took a seat and waited for a room to open up. At this point, Bizzy did get slightly frazzled, thinking we might be sitting there when Benjamin decided to make his appearance. Little did we know that Ben was going to take his time coming into the world. It was about 11:00 in the afternoon when we got back to our room. I was having slight contractions at that point but nothing serious. So I got dressed in the beautiful and flattering hospital gown and the nurse set me up with a belly monitor. My parents showed up, and we laughed and took some photos. I was still thinking, "I think I can do this. I don't need an epidural." I began having contractions that were quite uncomfortable but they were far enough apart and short enough that I was handling things well. Before the midwife would do anything, they had to make sure that my water had actually broken...I guess they kind of assumed I peed myself as well. So we waited for the test results....
And I didn't know what the nurse was talking about when she said, "Oh you aren't really in labor yet..."
Thankful for my parents being there to keep me calm and distracted...even though I yelled at dad at one point :)
With my handsome hubby and daddy-to-be
When the nurse finally confirmed that my water had broken (or leaked apparently), it became official. We were having a baby that day. As the contractions became more intense, I am thankful that I had my family with me to keep me going. I never actually saw my midwife that much, so we were on our own in the laboring process. Hours later, as I was becoming increasingly less happy, the nurse bopped in with a syringe and said, "Well the midwife doesn't think the contractions are strong enough at this point." The response in my head was, "What the...?" but out loud I acquiesced without any questions.So, she dosed me up with pitocin and left...Again in hindsight, I would have asked more questions and fought a little more against the pitocin if I had known what was coming my way. The one thing I did learn from my stay at the hospital is that I need to work on becoming a better self-advocate. A medical professional CAN be questioned about their motivation and reasoning..they aren't gods.
As the pitocin (Satan's elixir) kicked in, the pain became unbearable. There was hardly any time between contractions so just as I was about to think I couldn't take it anymore, it would stop for 2 seconds and then start again. I'm not sure how long this went on but it felt like hours and we still never saw the midwife. Mom and Bizzy stood on either side of the bed and talked me through each contraction as I clung to the table or sheets writhing with what I can only explain as the worst possible pain I've ever felt. I remember watching those baby birth stories on TLC where women would be screaming in pain and I would look at them disdainfully and think "Gosh, pull it together,woman." And then, I became that woman. I apologize to any women I judged on TLC for acting like labor hurts like freaking hell...because it freaking does.
At about 5 or 6 in the evening, I couldn't take it anymore and I told Bizzy to go find the epidural man. I don't think I've ever seen him move as fast as he did to go hunt someone down. When the nurse came back in, she smiled sweetly and said, "Look at you having contractions...oh boy they look like good ones." I could only glare at her because I didn't trust myself to actually open my mouth and respond. I also now realize why women talk about wanting to kiss the epidural docotr because I probably would have if he would have let me. Being able to rest for the next few hours was a lifesaver. The nurse left me after the epidural with the instructions, "Tell me when you start feeling different...or have any pressure." By about 8:30 or 9 p.m. I started feeling....different. I started getting incredibly uncomfortable even with the epidural, my heart was racing, and I felt intensely hot all of a sudden. We dispatched for the midwife and were told she would be down in a bit. By the time she showed up, I was about to walk out of the bed to go find her myself. When she checked me, she verified that "we" were ready to push.
The whole birthing process at that point on is kind of a blurry, surreal memory for me. I remember everything but almost like it was in one of those slow-motion montage scenes from a movie. I wanted my mom to stay with me because she is a very calming force, and obviously, Bizzy was there with me as well. Little did they know how involved they were actually going to be in helping deliver little Benji. When I pictured the pushing scene in my head, I always imagined Bizzy up by my head saying encouraging words and holding my hand while my mom stood on the other side smiling down. There was always some kind of curtain or sheet blocking any of the ...more dramatics things happening below. Well, reality shattered that illusion when the midwife turns to Bizzy and my mom and said, "Grab a leg and pull it up to her chin." Welp, if we weren't a close-knit family before, we definitely are now.
Feel free to stop reading here if you don't want to hear about birthing realities.....
As I was pushing, I started to feel nauseous so we stopped and I had to throw up a few times...by the way, I don't want apple juice EVER again. After I got sick, I was prepared to start pushing again, but my midwife, who is a bit of an odd cookie, says, "Well she needs to brush her teeth now." I mean...I am birthing a human being so I was pretty ok with the idea of moving on without taking a moment for some personal hygiene, but she insisted. Bizzy was sent to grab his toothbrush (mine was still in the car) and the midwife called the nurse over the intercom to bring some toothpaste. The whole time I am laying there thinking...is this really happening right now?! Yes, yes it was. So I brushed my teeth minutes before my son was born. I guess it is good that I greeted him with minty fresh breath...much like the freshly cleaned shower heads at home. These things are important.
At 9:41 p.m., Benjamin Gregory was born, and it was the moment that has changed Bizzy and my life forever in such an amazing way. As soon as Ben was placed on my chest, I knew I couldn't love anyone more. He was perfect. You hear people talk about the birth of their children as life-changing, but I guess you don't really understand it until it happens to you. I would have done anything for him from the first time I held him. His little cry made my heart feel like it grew bigger in my chest and I could not stop staring into his beautiful eyes. When I held him, it felt like something had been missing before and now it was back where it was supposed to be.
Childbirth is the most painful thing I've ever gone through, but with such an incredible reward, I can see why you would do it again and again. Welcome to the world Benjamin. You are so loved.
A big boy at 8.8 but also really long at 21 inches.
Ben's first bath
